Wednesday, November 27, 2002

For info on the Shy Man's Guide to Success with Women (or any of Terry Heggy's other writing), please visit www.performancepress.com.

What am I thankful for? (Other than the standard "my loving family", "the bounty I enjoy as a hard-working American", etc. etc. anyway.)

I'm thankful for the relentless march of technological progress. Seriously, can anyone even remember how horribly tedious it was to use a pencil to create a handwritten letter? Egads.

I am thankful for cinnamon. (And for spell checking, cuz I actually didn't know how to spell "cinnamon" until just this moment.) Naturally, I'm also thankful for chocolate...and I'm thankful for the thermonuclear devices we have to help us stamp out the godless heathens who don't like chocolate. Other food-related thanks simply must include pizza delivery, York Peppermint Patties®, and Ed McCaffrey's JalapeƱo Mustard. (For best results, eat the mustard first, followed by the Patties.)

I am thankful for the immense talents of entertainers such as William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, and Heather Locklear. I am thankful for the much-too-short career of Stevie Ray Vaughn, and for the fact that I am reminded of my wedding anniversary each year because it falls on Elvis's birthday. I am thankful for optical mice, velcro, and homogenized/pasteurized skim milk. I would be thankful for Taco Bell (cuz I like their tacos), but their service is so abysmal that I'm afraid I can't include them here.

The Simpsons. Bill Nye the Science Guy. Amazon.com. The amazing resources available at the local library. Having the right size of Hanes underwear. The US Constitution. The servicepeople who defend it. The excellent mental healthcare professionals who have helped me get over my dread of those awful Teletubbies.

Yes, I have many things to be thankful for. Every time I see images of the pilgrims at the original Thanksgiving, I am thankful that I've never lived in conditions like they had to, and that I've never had to wear such stupid-looking clothing. I am thankful that the truth about the Roswell incident has been kept under wraps (cuz trust me, you really don't want to know). I am thankful for my Fender Stratocaster, and the fact that I'm allowed to play it, even though my musical talent is invisible even to the world's most powerful electron microscopes. I am thankful for the general cleanliness of public restrooms, and for the fact that my male anatomy still makes it possible to find relief behind a bush if a clean restroom is not available.

You know, I could go on and on...but the fact is that I really do appreciate dang near everything I have in my life. It truly is a glorious and wonderful world, and I feel blessed to be able to live in it.

Still, I don't want you to dismiss me as a starry-eyed Pollyanna with no sense of reality. You may expect an upcoming blog about all the things that disgust and offend me. (It may be a long one -- cuz once I get ramped up, I can generate a lot of ranting and raving.) For today, though, I'll simply leave you with my best wishes for a wondrous Thanksgiving Holiday. Have a great one, my friends.

Terry